Soliloquy

Maybe some of us hardly ever hear
But some of us were born to disappear
Trying to be much more than a number
How hard is keeping from going under?

Endlessly in search of strokes I haven’t played yet
There is never an end to the expectation I want met
Maybe this step will take me closer to the rock face
Precariously putting me at third in a two-horse race

So do I count my blessings and rejoice?
Or mope, sulk and cry till I find my voice
Yes, this path has been trodden before
It always leaves me looking for more

Are these people really talking or is it inside my head?
Spreading rumours thick and fast, leaving me for dead
Saying, “Mohul is done and dusted, his best is in the past
He is no fighter, just wait and see how he melts so fast.”

It’s unbelievable what God has given me
But will He help me now that I’m at sea?
My peripheral vision still brings up 2014
The slate of Chandigarh being wiped clean

I don’t want to disrespect this art form I was raised upon
It all seems so easy, that is until the battle lines are drawn
The ghost of Delhi 2013 pushes me out of my comfort zone
It won’t rest until, in my mind, seeds of distrust, it has sown.