Soliloquy

I don’t remember who I was at twenty, or the fading
Light of a past on whom the door is firmly shut.
The gardens of tomorrow beckon with a yearning
I have not felt in years, and the mirror that I see
My skin dissolve in feels a part of my errant self.
The life I knew has disappeared into layers
And the men I grew up with have dissolved into
Shadows of their own making; the windows I used
To grasp at and the clouds I used to gasp at
Feel remnants of a wall that has shattered to pieces.

These rainbows exist where I do, fading with time
And leaving traces that my skin cannot escape; such
A longing for the past has evolved into a search
That I have fled from to emerge into a day
Where pain cannot betray my loneliness too much.
If such imprints remain even as the death of a time
I cannot remember and the doors of a house
I cannot enter haunt my very being, I may have
Overstayed my welcome in a world that shall be
No poorer with my evaporating into the rain.

When I pause, I listen to my heartbeat for the first
Time in years. I enter into a home I do not own
And feel sheltered from the storm I saw brewing
The day before yesterday. The ashes from this wake
Shall have no part to play in the orchards of golden
Opulence that my mind has made me absorb.
For the loneliness to soak into my skin as it would
Into the fading light of the evening, I get asked to
Remove my eyes and place them at the altar.
For all my hankering, I shall not weep tonight.

If you like my work, consider visiting my website to get in touch with more of my writing. You can follow me on Twitter as well. Also, sign up for the newsletter to get regular updates coming your way. I would love to talk to you!