Soliloquy

My entire life would have had no meaning
Had autumn come earlier this year; had time
Arrived in moments punctuated by the unkempt
Creases left in haste. Sitting by these melodies,
I saw you look out the window with ridicule.

These fingers would have stopped much before they
Did eventually and the roses turned green in remorse.
The lifeblood that caused such intrusions merged
Into the stream that carried neither fame nor guilt.
Words were seldom enough to cause such grief.

What if we had stopped to smell those roses?
What if the sun smiled on its way down Ammuguda Hill
And dispersed whatever sanity it could over the creek?
Autumn would have held little meaning had we smiled;
Lal Bazaar’s garrulous nature seemed distasteful enough.

The evening lavished praises without ever looking
Us directly in the eye; famished of approval and yet
Mistrustful of the lack of probity, we arrived in swathes
Almost as if to prod the machine back into action.
Little love was lost in the endearments that followed.

The wrinkles that time left on the morning after seemed
Flattering with mockery. Such insult had never been
Had on my watch before; was there really a need to
Walk away from this and start afresh driven by pain?
Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad, riding the sun’s crest.

The smell of incense and the clinging of the raindrops
On the neem from last night seem sanctifying,
So much so that I choose to walk out the front door
Instead of averting my gaze. Words continue ebbing
And flowing beside me; I know I can’t leave them behind.

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