Soliloquy

During those long-running conversations regarding
who will cook the dinner and who gets to do the dishes
there was one moment of truth I uncovered from within
those dark crevices you lovingly call eyes

We were huddled in front of the television
with the cat curled up inside the warmth of our laps
which it mingled with coffee and more adventure
it was hard not to adore the life we had then

It wasn’t over those long-suffering luncheons
that I had to endure with your parents every Holi
or the sweet embraces and hidden caresses afterwards
that I apprehended something truly shattering

Although you like to think so, I never liked Elton John
but it would have broken my heart just to have told you so
It truly hurt me whenever I saw you being vulnerable
but it seemed like being just a game that we played

It wasn’t long after we had come home from Rome
and decided to much rather set up shop here in Mumbai
that I uncovered the only thing that seemed ever distant
or ever withdrawn- your heart which you had once pledged

But it has been years now and I don’t remember
whether it was gradually or in a moment of sharp lucidity
when I realised that I didn’t care anymore,
didn’t love you anymore.